Spare a Thought for Jack, the Self-Emasculating Tapir

I usually pay scant attention to stories about wacky "birds-and-bees" tours at zoos, but the graphic nature of this one really made me do a double-take. I hear there have been no major complaints from The Chronicle's loyal readership. I don't know whether to compliment our audience on its openmindedness or despair that no one seems to read what we print.